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Imagine for a minute what your life would be like if you knew the secret of creating positive relationships with EVERYONE.
This secret has a name: nlp-rapport.
If only you wish to, you can communicate more effectively at work. If you work in sales you can increased earnings and success. This nlp-rapport originates from the need to create results and positive outcomes.
These results all point to one objective: achieving excellent and effective relationships with the people around us. At the same time, NLP Rapport building techniques are not the only guarantee for success.
In our evolving world, now more people realize that trust is not given, it is earned. You don’t give trust to anyone, but you look to find proofs that they deserve it. If they act strangely (i.e. they mirror your posture or smile too much), you get a red light and become more suspicious of them. The key is to give the person that you are communicating with respect. |
What is Rapport
Rapport, which is achieved through pacing techniques, is the key to each successful communication. It is the sense of ease and comfort you get with someone when you feel that you're speaking the same language and that you're on the same level. Rapport can give rise to feelings of trust and connection. We all experience rapport in our daily life, everyday, but not being initiated to its secrets we fail to grasp its underlying mechanisms and structure.
When people are communicating in rapport they find it easy to be understood and believe their concerns are highly regarded by the other person. Rapport means responsiveness to what another is saying; not that you necessarily agree with what is being said. And when you are in rapport something magical happens. You and others feel listened to, and heard. At an unconscious level, there is a comfortable feeling of 'This person thinks like I do, I can relax.'
True rapport creates an atmosphere of mutual confidence and trust. If you are using rapport as a tactic to manipulate another to your way of thinking, at some level they instinctively know it and they will not respond positively. However, if you have mastered the art of rapport and your intention is to hear and be heard, to achieve win-win solutions or create genuine friendships, you will become a powerful and trusted communicator.
Improving Rapport Skills
So how can we consciously improve our own rapport skills? We can begin by learning a process called 'mirroring' -- which is learning to duplicate another's behaviours. Behaviours you can mirror include:
- Body Posture
- Hand Gestures
- Facial Expressions
- Weight Shifts
- Breathing
- Movement of Feet
- Eye Movements
Mirroring is physically 'copying' the behaviours of another in a subtle manner. Try mirroring just one aspect of another person's behaviour while talking to them--perhaps their posture. When this is easy, gently include another piece, like their hand gestures. Gradually add another and another until you are mirroring without thinking about it. The more you practice, the easier it will become. You also will be rewarded with the same comfortable, positive response in YOURSELF that you are creating for another.
The more you practice, the more you will become aware of the different rhythms, gestures, breathing patterns that you and others have. It is fascinating to enter another person's "map of the world" by mirroring their behaviour. You can learn so much more about them this way.
Be sure to be subtle in mirroring when establishing rapport. If the other person is making grand, sweeping gestures, you may choose to make similar, but smaller, less obvious movements. In the beginning it may feel awkward. But the value in learning to achieve and maintain rapport is worth the time and effort it takes to become skilled in this area of communication.
And you might be surprised to discover that your 'intuition' will be enhanced as you become aware of behaviours and actions of which you were previously unaware.
Mirroring is something we automatically do when we're around people we feel comfortable with. To learn to mirror purposely in order to gain rapport enables us to enhance our communication with others and have the support of everyone we meet to help us achieve our outcomes and goals.
If you have the slightest doubt whether mirroring really works... test it. Pick three people with whom you want better communication and mirror them for just 10 minutes. Notice the difference it makes.
MATCHING
One basic difference between mirroring and matching is timing. While mirroring is simultaneous with the other person's movements, matching can sometimes have a 'time delay' factor to it. For example, if someone is gesturing while talking and making a point, you can be still and attending. When it is your turn to speak, you can make your comments and your point using the same, or similar gestures.
There are other types of matching:
CROSS-OVER MATCHING is choosing to match one of your behaviours to a corresponding, but different movement of another.
For example, if a person is blinking rapidly, you may cross-over match by discreetly tapping your finger at the same rate as they are blinking; or pace the rhythm of someone's speaking with slight nods of your head or your breathing.
MISMATCHING is also a useful skill to master. Have you ever had someone go on and on and on when having a conversation with them...when you wonder if they will ever stop talking?
You can break eye contact, turn your body at an angle to them, breathe faster or slower in contrast to their breathing...in short, do anything to break rapport by mismatching. You will be surprised how quickly and easily the conversation will draw to a close.
You will find you hear and observe other people in more detail as you learn these basic rapport skills. Paying attention to others in this way is a process of building trust, and the more elegantly you mirror, match and cross-over match, the more your customers will turn into "raving fans."
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
When speaking to family members or business colleagues, find a specific behaviour or movement to focus on and match or cross-over match. You might select one behaviour per day to practice until you can build a whole repertoire of rapport skills.
You might:
Use your hand movement to pace another person’s breathing.
Move your foot to pace another person's head movements.
Tilt your shoulders slightly as the other person tilts their head.
Lift a finger as the other person lifts an eye-brow.
And feel free to create your own cross-over matching techniques! Also remember to practice mismatching, but be sure to end the interaction in a state of rapport.
COMPULSIVE MATCHING AND MIRRORING
Some people feel they just have to match and mirror.
A young woman who matched and mirrored constantly was sitting across from a colleague who was tired of being mimicked. The colleague slid down in his chair, and of course she did the same. Then the colleague slid down even farther. She did the same. Finally, one slide too many, and the woman literally fell on the floor! Her colleague, conscious of his mirroring, remained in his chair.
Notice the difference these rapport skills will have in your life. Whether the context is flirting, interviewing, selling, or being granted an audience with a princess, you can make the choice to improve your communication skills using NLP.
Experience NLP for yourself! Come and join us for the next one day Introduction to NLP, where the change begins... |
